relief

When I was a 7-year-olf first-grader, I had a costume for carnival. Yellow pants, a yellow shirt with a brown buzzard on it and a violet, white and scarlet cape with a buzzard on it too. My great-grand-mother sewed it for me. The best costume I´ve ever had.
My first four years in school, I spent all my afternoons at hers, till my parents came after work to take me home. I did there my homework, helped in the garden, listened to her stories and get cookies from the bowl in her kitchen (therefrom my lifelong addiction). During these years, I spent more time with her than with any other family-member (excluding my sister).
When I had to attend secondary school, I visited her every Monday morning – for breakfast and due to my late school-start. Later on, I met her at Friday afternoons to have cookies and tea (always “Fix Kräutli”). When I moved to Dresden, we had to switch on Saturday. These Saturdays, were the only days, I did not take anything in the morning, just to be sober when I visited her. When I moved to Leipzig, every time I came back home to Dresden, I visited her – for tea and cookies.

I never had a “real” grand-ma, due to one died on cancer when I was 2 and the other one lives far away. So my great-grand-mother became my “Oma”. After her husband died 200 years ago, she was living alone in a great house with a great garden, and took care of it by herself for about 10 years. When one of her sons – my great-uncle – moved in with his wife, to support her, my Oma didn´t get on with her, so she moved to her own flat. By the age of 85.
When she was a young girl, she worked as a seamstress, until she met her husband, who wanted to open a barber´s shop. So, to support him, she had to became barber (“Friseurmeisterin”), despite she was disgusted by this profession. They had their own shop, over the war and even in the GDR.
With my grandma, I talked about everything, she didn´t know any taboos. She was stronger and more sophisticated than this bunch of creepy, dreadfully boring so called feminist activists. She did not marry until she was pregnant with her second son. She had two professions. She took care of her family, her house, her garden and her business. She never mourned. She didn´t need to talk the talk. She was always caring, warm-hearted and loving. Always self-determined.
Four years ago, she failed to attempt suicide. She survived 93 sleeping pills. I told her, that I respect and salute her decision. But, due the side-effects of her OD, her right hand got kind of paralyzed and she had problems to walk. So she decided to move into a retirement home. The one thing she never wanted.

Last Friday my beloved grand-mother died. I know it´s a relief and therefore I am happy for her. I always thought, I would cry. I already miss her.

Anneliese Angermann (geb. Knoblich):
4.12.1914 – 31.7.2009