Drugs. Changed. Everything.

I went to Panacea during the holidays. My big night out. Maybe my expectations were a little high. Maybe I was just pissed, because the interview with the respective artist didn´t work out since he was hours late in Dresden. Maybe I was stressed because I was working all morning and the night before. But my guess is: 1st) I´m getting old 2nd) there is something going terribly wrong.


When I hit the train from Leipzig to Dresden, there was a couple next to me. Apparently she came from visiting her fiancé at prison. Talking constantly to her mate. I understood two things. Crystal is not a no go for her and her man is on C too. The worst part came a bit later though: She told her friend, that her fiancé bought her out. He payed 5000 bucks, so that she didn´t have to earn her money laying on her back anymore. Quote: "5000 Euro. You see how good I was." That scared me. The girl looked barely eighteen. I don´t know the rates in the business. But even on a cattle market for women, 5000 Euro isn´t a price winning cow. I was stunned.

Out of the trainstation, waiting for my tram, a guy came along the platform, asking for a light. He yelled at the group in front of me, came to me... he had blood stains on both his hands, on his lip, on his nose. And he was tense, deep in a crystal binge. I told him: "Sorry, nonsmoker. Oh, you have blood on your hands." His reaction was quite uneasy. Lucky me that he did not punch my sunshades right into my eyeballs. After that, he went to the oppossing platform, asked for fire. And yelled at the guy: "I need a fire, goddammit!" ...the percs of being on crystal on a Easter saturday.
 
I went to a friend. Tried to get the interview still straightened out. That ruined my day. But afterall, it was break fast for me. So when we decided to delay the scheduled date, I could have my first beer in three months. Later on I got all my stuff (business outfit, camera, pen, ego) back to the train station put it in a safe there and off I was heading to "Therapy Session" - a drum and bass party I was looking forward to for two months now.

I arrived half past midnight and the place was half empty. They were playing breaks and it sucked. I could not put my finger on it, but I had the feeling, that there was a subtle aggressive mood in the place. Not the bouncers, great guys as always. But the crowd...I don´t know, it used to be different. Back in the day, when I was 20. If you jostled someone back then, you apologized with a gesture. No bad feelings. No matter how pissed you were. Not anymore.

When we came back in from a small herbal cigarette break outside the door, some guy ran straight into me. I just told him: "Easy!" with a hint of a smile on my face - I was in Hippie mode that night ... no aggressions on my part. He looked at me as if I hit him in the face and his mate right behind him shoved me. This guys were not your average, god fearing crystal junkie. They looked rather like engineer students than boxers. I didn´t care and got a beer (Becks 0,33 l - 2,50 Euro).

On my way to the John to see what Columbia is up to these days I saw a fat guy and a rather fat girl on a forklift, that stood there for decoration right next to the bathrooms. He gave her a SERIOUS fingering. And I am talking wrists here.

While in the box, I heart someone smashing up a beer bottle against the wall. When I stepped out, I was alone in the room. At the sink there was a guy, and three bouncers around him. Take my word, the kingbeatz bouncers are great guys. They circled him with a meter or so distance and talked to him. "You know, party is over for you now. Time to go home!" No aggression in there voice, no one was laying hand on him. You could just sense these guys were definitely in charge. And they knew, how to deal with "Druffis".All that happened within ten minutes.

The one thing I enjoyed during this night were the girls. Not in a sexual way. I just liked to watch them having a good time. It was just so easy for them. Nowadays there are more women into dnb I guess. And they are all getting high on Club Mate and soda water. I liked that.

Apart from that, I missed the usual crowd. Two or three faces I knew. We took a friend with us who has a difficult time (his girl died last year) and he was quite a problem kid this night. He is not the aggressive, stupid type, looks more like a bulemic than a wrestler. But he just couldn´t behave. He "accidently" touched girls passing by, smashed a bottle outside. Tried to do the same on the dance floor. Gärdi and tried to talk sense into him, he got pissed and left. He just showed a lack of respect for the place. You don´t throw bottles where people are going to dance. You don´t treat women that way. That pissed me off...and he was just on beer and weed.

I didn´t enjoy the party the way I expected to...Panacea was playing to much breakbeat but Robyn Chaos turned out to be a really mad DJane (excuse the cheesy terminology).
_

Around five I left the club and went to get my tram. I was tired, had a bitter taste in my throat and I needed to take a leak.
In the tram two guys next to me - that didn´t know each other before - were talking about aryans. I was just looking out the window. Close to where I had to get out, all of sudden, the one guy was talking to me. He had the feeling, I was making fun of him, staring out of the window. He was quite aggressive. I told him my theory on aryans, that it used to be a tribe from India. "See. Now you talk to us! Not making fun of us anymore!" I left the tram. Close shave - again.

Thank god, in the train heading to Leipzig I sat next to a family. Peace. Calm. In Wurzen, a guy in camo pants and sunglasses got in. He was chewing. But he didn´t eat. I am used to the view of "Druffis", never had problems partying next to them. Times changed though.  

Drugs versus Raclette

Back in Leipzig, when I sat at the tram heading home, I thought to myself: Is it still worth it? In a way, I try to chase the dream of my late teens and early twenties. Going out partying all night, having many beers. Having a good time. No aggression - although everyone is on drugs. I had like five beers and a water (!) - just to make it through the night, trying to revive that time earlier in my life.

I still like that music, I still like "dancing" to it, I still like stuff and beers. But it´s not what it used to be. Things changed - and not to the better. Someone took all the fun out of it. And I changed too. Maybe it´s time to skip all that shit. Perhaps there is joy to be found in raclette and fancy wines.