...; 25

I visited some friends of my parents. We know each other since the days I was ten. Years ago, we travelled to France with them and their two daughthers (Paula only 20 months at this time). Just telling, because of the setting...

This friend of my parents, she is turning 50 this year, one day after me. But man, she don´t even looks like. We sat there, talking about the old days, how bad I treated my sisters and their older daughter, how nice I took care of lil Pauli, who was always Hanni-affine. I knew her as a small baby, as a shy 10-year-old and now as a hilarious teenager.
The years went by.

This evening, I didn´t feel like a parents child anymore. According to Helmut Schelsky, I felt entirely “herausgenommen”. A fully fledged individual. I was a grown up among grownups. Does not feel pretty comfortable. On the one hand, I enjoy being taken seriously. On the other I felt that now I am responsible for what I say, what I do. Hard to cope with.
The one moment your still like 20 and then your old: experienced, no more surprises, fed up with (a fucking up) life.


All of sudden I´m old. Feeling, I missed my youth.


By the way, I found my first gray hair.