Der Berg

...je weiter oben er aufhört, desto höher ist er.

Fresh air hurts. My lungs can´t cope with it. I need smog.
Few weeks ago, me and some friends went to Oberwiesenthal. I met them in DD, where I first of all had to calm down madl, due to her concerns about my recent handling of painkillers. On the road to the most infamous “monts metalliféres” we ate sausages with chocolate-cake, listened to Rio Reisser and DJ Skinhead. At Matzes parents we could stay in their vacation flat for free.
The first evening, after a compulsive Hackepeter dinner, we, the boys, went out. Up on Fichtelberg, where we captured one of these safety mats and used it to go downhill. On a stupidity scale from one to male, it was a “do-it-yourself-surgery-with-chainsaw”. In our infinite wisdom, we took our mat with the slippery side down, so we could go faster. We had no control at all. Someone screamed “Runter!” and all fell off – except me, because my leg got tied in one of the strings and suddenly the mat flipped over. Kind of a Hanni sandwich: snow, me, mat. When the mat stopped, my face was 2 meters next a solid metal fence. Pretty close.
The next day, we went up the mountain (by foot!) carrying sleighs and snowboards. We took the red slope to get down. Pain, thy name is toboggan. I felt every single bump in my ass, and to stop my vehicle, I had to descend – at the rate of approximately 350 km/h. Later on I hit a woman on a snowboard. She flew over me, nobody was hurt but she was kind of pissed off. Later I tested Matze´s snow-deck (a skateboard, with no wheels, but kind of small ski under it). Two meters on the deck, and 20 meters tumbling down the slope.
In the evening, we had to take care of Max, due to Madl and Matze´s mom had their evening off. So, Matze´s dad (who said about me: “Ich hab noch nie jemanden so viel reden gehört!”) forced us to have a „Männerabend“. Oh oh! Beer and “Vuglbeerdrobbn” a disastrous combination. Because we had a B in our room, matze joined us to have his first B in a year or so, he was so fucked up, that he couldn´t manage it to return back to his room. We watched Napoleon Dynamite on the Laptop which I tried to translate simultaneous. It failed, cause I had to laugh all the time. When madl came home (as drunken as we were) she was looking for matze. But he was already asleep in our room and we told her: “Ist unser matze, den kriegste nich!”

Benni (in the tight sleeping bag): “Oh Mann, ich würd ja echt ma gern die Beine breit machen hier drin!”
„Soll ich mit nem Hunni vor dir rumwedeln? Da machste die bestimmt breit!“

By the way: sleep. Imagine someone who is talking during his sleep, one who is grinding his teeth and poor me right between them – like the meat of a noise sandwich (second sandwich in this text, maybe I should have some…). Like on a school trip: chocolate, nachos, beer and funny powerpoints. Not to mention the funny smell of our snowboard boots.
On Sunday, Matzes dad gave me his carving-ski. Ah, it was awesome. I should have taken them in the first place. I discovered three new kinds of physical pain! Due to the others had to take a nap, I went out only with Madl.
On our way back home, we had to test Benni’s new V70. 230 maximum speed (did I mention the snow?) We had a duel with some pretty fast BMW. So we lost Matze and Madl. In the end we met them at the Burgerking. Monday morning 7.30(I had to catch the early train), Max woke me up, he pulled my blanket away and got frightened. He thought I was Matze.