prey

I stopped praying recently. There was no point anymore. There never has been one.

I am no godly man. I don´t think, I don´t believe there is a “god” or any kind of some higher entity. “God” for me is just a workaround for the dim-witted, the half-bright. It´s the convenient way to explain phenomena that science couldn´t explain, yet. Therefore “god” ranges amongst UFOs, the Bermuda triangle and women.

The astonishing thing is, there are many a smart people out there, who do believe. Smart people running companies, running states. And if in doubt, they turn to their imaginary friend. Whom would jesus bomb? That’s frightening. They turn to “god” with their problems, and this poor bastard has to cope with approximately seven billion prayers a day. There is no SPAM-filter. But since he is the master of the universe - of the unknown parts as well - he has to deal with alien-prayers too!

I was raised by a christian mother. Back then, church was one of the few refuges; the socialist regime had no say in. We did not go to church every week, but a couple of times a year. We didn´t have to say any good-night-prayers, or at the dinner table. But there was a strong christian influence with all the singing and bible stories. I was too young to think about if there is a “god” or not. My parents lived in their way, and I did so as well.
After the Berlin wall came down, they didn´t need the refuge anymore. We went to church maybe once or twice a year – for Christmas mostly.

But to set the mold, so that I can become a proper citizen, I had to endure so called “Christenlehre”. It´s like Sunday-school, but on weekdays after regular school. I hated it. The lessons were held by a deeply fundamentalist christian freak. It was all about singing and stories. I. Hated. It. And it didn´t make me a better person for that matter.

Later on, I had to take religious education in school. Far more easy to get an “A” in that than in the more liberal “Ethic” lessons. Every week, it took me about 20 minutes to get kicked out of class. I was always in time. The principal once said, he could set his clock after me. Oh yeah, this classes were held by the same 100-percenter. Shit, this guy ruined my eternal career in heaven.

Anyway. Around this time, I took up praying. Not because I believe in the dumb, cruel stories of the bible, not because I believed in “god”. It was mostly out of fear. The fear that there might be a possibility that there is some higher entity, and if I don´t pray, I´ll be fucked some day. Ten years of christian indoctrination, and everything that stuck was fear. Well done. It´s a tough choice for a ten-year-old, to decide whether to burn in hell or to pray, even though one does not believe in. So, religion made me a liar in the first place.

In the German tongue, to pray means “beten”. It derives from the word “bitten” as well as does “betteln” for to ask or to beg. I refused the concept of begging. I´d rather thank the guy up there for a good day. And then beg for the wellbeing of myself…and maybe my family. Praying is a cringing, a devout thing.

Even back then, I saw no point in prayers. But I went on. A rather pointless undertaking. It was more of a way to end the day. Remind oneself what one has accomplished and be done with it.
Yesterday, I realized: You´re not praying anymore. You did not pray for quite a while, for months maybe a year at least. Never thought about it. There was a faint smile on my face. I was satisfied. Finally, I had overcome all this religious bullshit.