Today I tried to call a Hotline. I had some questions concerning my payqal-account.
First I had to log in with my telephone-number and some kind of keyword. Now some computer-voice was not able to deal with my accent. It took me 5 minutes to realize: better hang up.
I tried again. Same login, same computer-voice, but new curses from my side.
Don´t know, maybe it was HAL to whom I was speaking, and he already killed all the staff...
Next try. Login, computer-voice, cursing.
Had to think about Günter Wallraff, how did he spent all the time during his call-center investigations?!
There is not one human being in the mysterious world of hotlines.
I started to crush my head on the desk…
Trying again. Login, computer-voice. Started singing (someone told me once, this is a cheat to get in contact with the real world…)
“Hello, this is pay-pal customer service, my name is Linda. How can I help you.”Success!!!!
“Are you real? I mean, a real person, not a computer?”
It took me more than 20 minutes, till I could ask someone how to deal with my particular issues.
Now I want to establish a suicide hotline. Imagine: nobody who wants to kill himself can stand 20 minutes of computer-voice! And if they´re successful (means dead), they aren´t able to hang up!
Great idea. There is lot of money in it.
“If you want to commit suicide: press 1.
If you already committed suicide, press your corpse on all the keys.
If you want to speak to real people: go, get some friends, looser!”
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