(It´s about men´s greatest fear)
By: Norm L.U. Man
I am a male feminist, and as often as I remember myself, I try to be a gentleman to the ladies. In my generation, there is no more discrimination to women I think. Research shows, they work harder, are smarter, and some day, they will be more successful than most men. They are like the Chinese students of gender.
I was raised by women, lived the most time of my life exclusively with women. Some of my idols are women. If there wouldn´t be the German EMMA newspaper, I wouldn´t think of any lack of equality in gender-issues.
Recently, when I sat at the newsroom meeting, I counted. Nine women, four blokes. I once counted in some PR-seminar: 19 women, two blokes (already including me). So there seems to be no discrimination – except of my sexist “jokes” of course.
When I sat there yesterday, I felt comfortable. I did not think of me as a minority. In fact, I felt great about, I never realized before, that are so many girls in our newsroom. It has been always absolutely normal to me. So in some ways, I am – we are privileged. We should be thankful to the people, who fought these wars for us. Period.
But sometimes, there is something that makes me feel uncomfortable. Like an itching spot on the back I couldn´t reach. This feeling appears, as soon as some girl turns 25. It seems to me that all women at this age get some kind of – I like the German term – “Torschlusspanik”. From the biological perspective, the female body is on its highpoint. And BAAAAAM all of sudden they all get pregnant. It´s the magical age.
Basti is pregnant. Okay, from the technical point of view it´s his girlfriend. But in fact, he is the one who ´s fucked. He knew his girlfriend for three months.
When Benni´s girlfriend got pregnant, they were almost four weeks together. There is no doubt, they both wished to have a child. They both chose it.
Freedom of choice, I like it. But I´d rather had a life. I consider myself more of a pro life guy.
“What do we do about contraception, darling?”
“Don´t mind. I take care of. It´s all fine, sweetie.”
BÄÄÄÄÄÄM!
Advantage: women. They know, if they take preventive measures or not. We have to trust this previous dialogue.
But in fact, it is our responsibility, because we enjoyed sex. We took benefit, so we have to deal with the consequences. We just hit these fleshy wound between her legs at the wrong time.
It´s our fault. We enjoyed sex, and there was never, never, never a woman who did the same. Never!
It is evident, that this is equality. Women can have children, and men are allowed to have sex. It´s without any doubt fair and equal. It is a Win-Win-Situation.
Benni and Anne knew each other for a long time until she got pregnant. Their relationship had highs and lows. They proofed themselves over the whole durance of their relationship that they are made for each other. One can call it four weeks. I call it time-efficient.
When two people meet each other and only three months later, there´s a baby on the way. This must be true love. True love can´t wait. And what does a young child need and deserve more than love; a loving mother, a loving father, a loving family?
Couples like these let me believe in values like: love, family, relationship and in children that were wanted by their parents in the first place. Damn the pharmaceutical industry with all their contraceptives! All children born are gifts of love! And they are – without any doubt – wanted by both of the parents. It is true. I do not lie.
That is imperative! Than otherwise, there would be an inequality! And all sexes/genders are equal.
Okay. There is always the possibility of an accident. But there are reasonable measures. And there is nothing more reasonable and considering in the world than women.
So, what makes me think that I might be wrong?
Is it this particular time of the month? When women get moody and unreasonably? It is evident, even among feminists, that it is true. Women seem to use it as an excuse for bad behavior, says guardian feminist Rowenna Davis.
But after some years I guess, they are able to handle this incident of hormones every month. They get used to it. I hope so.
Compared to the previous a pregnancy must be the ultimate hormone-rush. And it´s the first time. Maybe the second. Nothing one is familiar with.
I still ask myself, why I don´t trust in the reasonable judgment of pregnant women? Or, the reasonable judgment of pregnant, hormone-flooded women concerning the fact of their pregnancy.
But there is always a partner, a boyfriend, a husband, a soul mate. There is always a father-to-be, who can help the woman with her decision. Share the burden. Due to the women´s evident lack of reasonability the man has to take over.
So, if an accident happened - due to all other pregnancies are results of a planning involving both partners in equal ways – the man can decide.
The man can decide either to stay or to leave. Stay, in a relationship with a child he didn´t want; a family he has to take care for at least until his child is grown up. Or to leave and to pay until the child - he didn´t want - is grown up.
Sounds equal to me, what is a whole life of supplying a family in comparison to the nine month burden of a pregnancy.
Maybe there is a third way. A way I would prefer most. Maybe, the man can talk to the woman he loves to come to a conclusion about the child none of them wanted.
Do I really think of talking to a woman about the abortion of her unborn child? And what if only the man didn’t want the brat? Is he entitled to live his life the way he wants?
What if he is pro (his) life and the (hormone overwhelmed) woman is not?
- Women are in charge deciding if they are going to be pregnant or not. (Contraception)
- Women are entitled to decide whether they keep it or get rid of it, even if they are not really capable of making decisions. (Abortion)
- Men are allowed to generously pay for it. No matter, what they do want. (Alimentation)
Did I found a lack of equality here?
Should men be entitled to decide about abortion? That would be a major violation of the woman´s physical integrity. And furthermore, it would be a violation of human rights.
So, this idea might serve me as a provoking thesis. But that’s it.
Women don´t want to share the power over their bodies under any circumstances – even if they might be wrong (hormones again).
Nobody shall have disadvantages due to his sex/gender. Not even men.
For men it is a major decision too, whether to have children or not. It is a violation of men´s rights, to force them into fatherhood without any choice.
If a man doesn´t want to be a father, he should have the right to do so.
Didn´t women have all kinds of influence on a (possible) pregnancy?
Women are in charge, so men do not owe them any obligations.
If we enable women to live their lifes in equality, it is mandatory to do the same to men.
There is a serious lack of equality. Though, I see no way men can decide over women´s bodies, there should be no way that women can decide over men´s life too.
If our societies would establish a system that supports women to raise children – not only in a financial way – the situation not only of them, the situation of single-mothers and single-fathers would be improved too. And ... it also prevents men who didn´t want to be father from being held responsible for something they had influence about.
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